Its so sad how many families are impacted negatively by MLMs.
I’m not sure this will be helpful but no one in my family said a word to me about my MLM. Even my husband supported me (though I found out later he had his doubts). It was my own questioning in the face of the reality that A) I wasn’t making a dime and B) I was spending a lot to not make a dime.
Maybe if you found a way to pose questions in a supportive way where the answers might spur some thinking?
For others struggling with a family member in a cult, I’m finding Steven Hassan’s book very helpful. I agree that confrontation will not work. It just makes him distrust us. I’m looking to build trust with him right now in hopes that he will see me as an ally rather than a parent who doesn’t get it.
My son keeps saying he’s not in it for the money – he’s doing this to help other people. One of the reasons he is so enamored of Quixtar is because he feels he has gotten many non-financial things from the business: friends, a sense of belonging and purpose, dreams, hope, spirituality, etc. He said he’s always wanted to ‘save the world’ and this is how he’s going to do it. When I hear that, it scares me the most because just losing money isn’t going to deter him from ‘his dream’.
It would help me to hear people’s stories of how they decided to get out of their MLM business. What kinds of things did your family or friends do that helped you to quit ‘the business’? What helped you to see this thing was a scam and get out? Were there actions taken or things said by family members or friends that affected your thinking? If so, what were they? I understand everyone is different, but it would help me to hear what others found helpful in their experience.
Where on Earth did you get this? How do you spot someone, say in a mall, on the street, in a bookstore, anywhere, who has “the slightest self-doubt?”
And who DOESN’T have a least a little self-doubt?
MLMs do not distinguish who they are trying to get involved. The pitches that are used to promote them are designed to catch anything that will work *for that individual prospect.*
If you’re looking for a part-time income, the MLM rep will promote that.
If you’re looking for a full-time income, they’ll promote that.
If you’re looking to retire, they’ll promote that.
If you’re wanting to help a friend or family member out financially, or even if you just want to put more into the church or charity, they’ll promote that.
If you want to get rich, they’ll promote that.
If you want better vacations, they’ll promote that.
They don’t go after people who are self-doubters, or frustrated in their jobs, or weak-willed, or dumb or naíve. (I’ve heard all of those characterizations used to describe the “best prospect for MLM.”)
Are you getting the idea? There is not one specific thing that MLMs go after when seeking recruits. There is not one type of person who is more likely to get involved in MLM.
There is no blanket statement that covers it all. Anyone can be preyed upon if the rep happens to say the right things at the right time.
I am only asking because sometimes parents subsidize their grown up children’s indulgences by providing them food and shelter. (I think reality sometimes strikes quicker when one has to make enough to pay rent, utilities and insurance). While this is ok sometimes, with things like MLM, tough love is sometimes called for. There are other Qx mommies here who can advise you better on this aspect, but it is food for thought.
you’re likely to have better success. You’ve already discovered what confrontation does – it leads to dug-in heels. (Sorry, but the question about his upline being a friend without buying CDs is confrontational. OF COURSE, his answer would be “Yes.” He doesn’t know otherwise right now. My wife and I thought our upline would care about us, too.
Haven’t heard from them in over 6 years now.)
There’s an old expression that, paraphrased, says, “If I tell you it’s true, you can doubt me, but if YOU find out it’s true, then you must believe it is.” If you tell him it’s a scam, he can choose who he wants to believe. But if he finds out *on his own* that the claims that it’s a scam are true, he cannot doubt it.
Be gentle and lead him to find the truth on his own. Then be there for him when the light goes on. He’ll need support when he exits. And above all else, don’t offer anything that resembles “I told you so.”
Maybe that will put a put enough questions in his mind to wake up. I was brainwashed by these people for more years than I want to admit. They are good at it. Try to get him to miss a function some how. The fog lifted after that for me. For me when someone challenged me I got more determined. But, I thought these people were who they say they were.
As soon as I realized they were not I started to see the light. Hope this helps. Ask him if his upline would still be his friend if he wasnt buying the CD’s?
They look for a nitch in the armor of good people who have good intentions. I sat in my first Quixtar meeting listening to a guy named Dick Wilson say things like, “Do you want to continue being a failure all your life?” This question may make most people angry, but this is a way of weeding out the undesirables. It is shock thearpy, but in a very bad way. There are 40 or 50 other people at these meetings who are already brainwashed, and all of them wearing their one best suit of clothes because they are told they have to portray a positive view of everything. The all gather around you and tell you how happy they are since joining quixtar and how wonderful life will be and how they all are going to help you. If they were sinking on the Titanic, they would all be standing on deck telling each other how pretty water was till they were dead. If one of them started to complain, they are taught that even listening to a negative thought or word will cause them to, “go back to being a failure like they were in the past”. The leaders of this cult are pure evil. The keep telling you that success is right around the corner if you will just stick with “the plan”.
Think of it as getting slight fever. A normal person would slow down from their regular pace of life, rest, drink plenty of fluids and possibly consult a doctor. Quixtar would tell you that it is not a fever that is slowing you down. They will tell you that is it is all in your mind and that drinking water is just admitting to the negative thought you are ill. As you get worse, they remind you to look at all the other successful people around you, and that THEY have learned to put aside the negativity and become successful. As you get worse, they tell you that you need to work harder, and buy tapes and books to learn to overcome your false ideas that are causing your negativity which in turn is making you think you are sick. Most people would notice it and get treatment, but Quixtar tells you that if you that if you admit the sickness is there, you are already a failure. They tell you to ignore it and so you get weaker and deeper into their cult…and they are a cult. Dick Wilson actualy told me that he and his wife never get sick and that the reason my wife was disabled was because of my negativity.
Some Quixtar leaders present it as a new business idea. Others, like my group, presented it as doing God’s will by meeting the needs of others through Quixtar. They told us it was our job as fellow belivers in God to help too, or we would not be pleasing God. There is nothing they will not say to get you hooked and keep you hooked. You are not even allowed to ask questions if the answer could possibly be a negative one. If you ask “Why?”, you are told you are lacking in faith and you should feel ashmed of yoruself for causing other to fail with your negativity. If you continue to ask or complain even a short time, the entire group will not ony stop listening to you, but will totally cut you off from all communications. The word is passed through out the group that you are now an undesirable. When I quit I told the head man and then called the person who signed me up a few hours later. The word had already been passed. All the guy who signed me up would say was that he had been told he could not talk to me. He was total brainwashing!.
In my opinion the people who head Quixtar should be held responsible for crimes as bad as murder. The year I was in it 5 people killed themselves. There was a youth pastor who taught the kids at his church that the only way to happiness was to do God will, and that was to follow Quixtar plan to the point of ignoring everyone who said anything negative, including their parents. People who are the least bit desparate or feel they need to take a chance to “make it big” will listen…and then the Quixtar leaches will suck the life out of them. In my opinion the leaders of Quixtar are liars, thives, home wreckers and murderers. Keep inmind that the guilty ones are the few at the top. They rest are unsuspecting victims. Occasionally one of the victims finds favor with one of the top people and is “invited into the special top bunch” which makes a ton of money off selling the teaching CD’s and materials to the group. It is at that point they make the transition from victim to attacker.
If you are a couple, they will start telling the woman that unless she pleases her man physically, she will be the cause of his failure and they will both fail. An by pleasing I do not mean bringing him a cup of coffee and a newspaper. Whether religious beliefs are used, or just business tricks, the Quixtar cult is all about control.
I’d sure be miffed at spending my money on a class just to be a captive audience for someone’s MLM pitch.
Still if you’re thinking of going legal, learn more here – installment loans no credit check, I’d probably either talk with the girl or complain to the teacher. While I’d not want my learning experience tainted, I wouldn’t want to get her in too much trouble (since I look at her as ignorant).
So I’d give her a chance to do the right thing. I might print out the school rules on business promotion and have a heart to heart with her in a kind way. It might be all that’s needed. Or all the classmates could complain to the teacher and let her do the heart to heart. Only then if the MLM speak didn’t stop would I go to the school administrators.
My take on it. Hope it gets resolved for you soon.
Try to politely, but very sternly, tell her that you are not interested in her candle business. You are at school to learn – no be pressured into purchasing candles!
If polite sterness does not work, she may have to face the fact that she is an annoying idot who needs to keep her mouth shut and learn about massage – after all she’s paying a tuition to learn massage – not push candles!
print out some key pages on this particular group, then print out a couple others, then go to the head of the school again and tell her what happened, but also explain to her how the teacher’s question opened the door on it.
Another option is to memorize a few links that show the problems with this MLM, or have them printed out on small pieces of paper, even blank business cards would do. When she does that in front of the class again, if she mentions the company name, wait until she finishes, raise your hand and *politely* mention that you’ve researched the company and that there are many experts consider it a pyramid plan (don’t say scheme, that’s too offensive). You can add you have experiences with them if it fits and even say you’ve got links for those that don’t believe you. This would have to be done VERY gently.
It would turn this woman against you, but she’s a drone, so you knew that could happen. If this happens a few times, she might realize that just mentioning her company will invoke a response that it’s a pyramid plan and might realize that at least around you she should shut up.
but I would let it be known that I would much prefer to stick a wick in a cow patty and burn that, at least then you know what you are smelling is Bull Sh*t but nobody is getting rich from my money. In my books that smells much sweeter than any mlm product.
I need help though. Yesterday in massage class, we talked about aromatherapy. How it works ect. The teacher asked all of us what our favorite scents where and why and the crazy mlm chick did it again. She said “I love the scents as soon as I walk into my house”. “I have a candle business and I sell them and I love my candle biz”. She adressed the whole class including the teacher. She is really starting to push the schools limits and I see other peoples tolerance levels being tested.
Anybody know the polite way to handle this and is there a legal way? It’s very distracting and destructive to the learning and non judgemental environment they have. Should I get a petition together with the other classmates?
The teacher also asked another question about our “why we love our favorite scents”, the mlm girl tried to answer in an mlm speak way and at least the teacher cut her off this time. Kudo’s to the teacher!
shows you do NOT know what this group is about. In the email you’re sent when you join the group it tells you about the group and tells you what to read before posting to this group. In that material it states clearly that there is no effort toward balancing our discussion. As far as we are concerned, ALL MLMs are bad. Why? Well, when you’ve got people who have lost loved ones to an MLM, then coming in here, to a survivor’s group and saying, “I’ve got a good MLM” is like going into AA or Al-Anon and saying, “Hey, I know you’ve had trouble in the past, but try this beer. It’s not like the rest.”
You are careless, thoughtless, and egocentric. Yes, those are personal attacks and people here know I don’t use personal attacks, but in this case, I can back it up. You were sent, on joining, material to tell you about this group. You didn’t read it. You barged right into a group of people who have been hurt by MLMs. Some of us have seen our children, parents, loved ones, and friends brainwashed by MLMs and had relationships and families destroyed by them. And with all that pain, you want to barge in here and tell us, “Hey, some are good.” That’s careless and thoughtless. Even when you were told that it was clear you had not read what this group is about, you still insisted on jumping in and having your say. That’s egocentric.
Recently a member asked for help with a problem and like Hal I providered that member with how they should handle their issue.
I received a thank from them because what I recomended took care of the issue.
Hal and I have already had a run in because both of us feel deeply about certain issues, which we seem to have different outlooks on.
I was burned by a “bad” MLM company big time. Being honest if someone mentioned MLM I went off on them. BUT much later in life I was talked into “LOOKING” at an opportunity. That one happen to be a company that puts it people first.
All I am saying is please don’t judge all by the ones that scam it’s people. Be wise enough to completely check them out before you do anything and that includes rejecting them off hand.
Ask the people here what they know about the company and check other sources as well. Do the research before you commit either way.
I wish you as many blessing as there are grains of sand.
and poorer for the experience. I can relate to glynis.
8 years + with the same “system”: INA. They peddled their books/seminars/tape program… I bought in line and sinker, and spent almost every waking moment outside of my “real J.O.B” working it: Making new contacts, buying prospecting tapes, giving them out (and getting about 50% of them back), buying “demo kits” “kits”, being on all the programs, etc…
I worked it hard for a spell, because I didn’t want ot go the way of the “circles” and the job chart… so, if things didn’t work out, I redoubled my efforts, and threw more time into it, along with more money into the “system”.
As a result, didn’t get too far “in the business” (shade short of 2500), Didn’t have that “killer mentality” that is needed to fool enough people into buying into the system…